Well I managed to face my fear of making the actual appointment to get medication. Tomorrow, I have an appointment to talk to someone about finally dealing with my anxiety. I feel a little bit better already. I am frustrated with myself for putting off for so long.
I did have to explain to the doctor's office that I suffer from really bad white coat hypertension. I am hoping that I don't have to spend much time waiting in the waiting room tomorrow. And hopefully, they understand that I'm not usually like this with high blood pressure and all.
I know that taking an anti anxiety medication is not something that I want to do long term, but I am hoping that it's something that will give me a boost in the right direction so that eventually, I am able to learn to manage the anxiety and perhaps even wean myself off of them after not too long.
Either way, here's to a new stress free me! *fingers crossed*
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Anxiety is a bitch!
Turning off my brain has been hard lately, but for the past couple days, I've been feeling better. The house is getting cleaner and my stress was going down. I felt pretty relaxed and happy. Today, that was all unraveled by a well meaning relative.
I've been thinking for awhile that I would go to a doctor and talk about getting an anti anxiety medication to help me manage my anxiety. The problem with going to the doctor is dealing with my anxiety including my white coat hypertension. I can take my blood pressure randomly throughout the day and it will be fine. 110/58 and considering that I used to regularly have a BP that was 145/88, this is awesome! But as soon as I start to call the doctor to set up an appointment, my heart starts to pound, my blood pressure goes up and I get cold (which is apparently a sign of stress.) The last time I went to the gynecologist, it was to get a lump looked at and I freaked myself out so much that I ended up with a BP of 190/110 and that is not healthy!
I was on the phone with my relative and she urged me to get an appointment, see my GP and get a prescription for something to help me. We're getting together in 2 weeks and she wants to see me relaxed for once. I got off of the phone with her and by the time I found his number, my heart was pounding. By the time I got it dialed and it was ringing, my BP had jumped and I had a bit of a headache coming. And all pointless because it was literally just turning 5 pm as I reached the office and was therefore rerouted to the "After Hours" message. All that stress for nothing.
Dealing with anxiety is tough. You have to fight to manage your anxiety to even get help for your anxiety. At some point you have to decide that the anxiety can't get the better of you and you just have to be strong. But honestly, how do you get to that point? I still freak out over any slight confrontation. Even a simple debate on a Facebook post or a joke that seems to fall flat can set me off. And a serious confrontation can have me in tears due to frustration and nerves.
I've had people recommend biofeedback therapy, acupuncture, medication, and even medical marijuana. But how do you figure out what is best for you? Well you have to talk to a doctor. And getting to the Doctor is a struggle for me and many other people out there. I have to find the inner strength. The part of me that is truly tired of living with this level of anxiety. I am kicking myself for not accepting the medication that my GP offered me years ago because I felt like I should be able to deal with this on my own. In all honesty, I was more afraid of side effects of the drugs than dealing with the anxiety on my own. Which is another sign of extreme anxiety.
Hopefully, I will find a way to face my fears and go see my doctor this week and get the help that I so desperately need. If I can just get past this first step and get the help that I need, I can relax and be happy!
I've been thinking for awhile that I would go to a doctor and talk about getting an anti anxiety medication to help me manage my anxiety. The problem with going to the doctor is dealing with my anxiety including my white coat hypertension. I can take my blood pressure randomly throughout the day and it will be fine. 110/58 and considering that I used to regularly have a BP that was 145/88, this is awesome! But as soon as I start to call the doctor to set up an appointment, my heart starts to pound, my blood pressure goes up and I get cold (which is apparently a sign of stress.) The last time I went to the gynecologist, it was to get a lump looked at and I freaked myself out so much that I ended up with a BP of 190/110 and that is not healthy!
I was on the phone with my relative and she urged me to get an appointment, see my GP and get a prescription for something to help me. We're getting together in 2 weeks and she wants to see me relaxed for once. I got off of the phone with her and by the time I found his number, my heart was pounding. By the time I got it dialed and it was ringing, my BP had jumped and I had a bit of a headache coming. And all pointless because it was literally just turning 5 pm as I reached the office and was therefore rerouted to the "After Hours" message. All that stress for nothing.
Dealing with anxiety is tough. You have to fight to manage your anxiety to even get help for your anxiety. At some point you have to decide that the anxiety can't get the better of you and you just have to be strong. But honestly, how do you get to that point? I still freak out over any slight confrontation. Even a simple debate on a Facebook post or a joke that seems to fall flat can set me off. And a serious confrontation can have me in tears due to frustration and nerves.
I've had people recommend biofeedback therapy, acupuncture, medication, and even medical marijuana. But how do you figure out what is best for you? Well you have to talk to a doctor. And getting to the Doctor is a struggle for me and many other people out there. I have to find the inner strength. The part of me that is truly tired of living with this level of anxiety. I am kicking myself for not accepting the medication that my GP offered me years ago because I felt like I should be able to deal with this on my own. In all honesty, I was more afraid of side effects of the drugs than dealing with the anxiety on my own. Which is another sign of extreme anxiety.
Hopefully, I will find a way to face my fears and go see my doctor this week and get the help that I so desperately need. If I can just get past this first step and get the help that I need, I can relax and be happy!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
It's time to get tough!
I haven't blogged in a bit, but that is because I'm trying to organize and declutter the house. With it being hurricane season once again, I feel like we really need to get the house in shape quickly. Last year, we had no power for a few days and the added clutter and junk just made tempers flare even faster. I'd love for things to be in order before we have to worry about all of that.
The trouble with trying to declutter my house, is that it's grown to an almost insurmountable task. I am dangerously close to Hoarder level. By that, I don't mean that I have no walking room or I can't even find my bed anymore. I just mean that I come up with very similar excuses as to why I need to keep something around. The sentences "I might need it in the future!" and "I can turn that into something useful!" may have been bandied about in the house. The funny thing is that I checked out two books on decluttering awhile ago from the library and ended up never really reading much in them. I was too distracted by life and a toddler that makes messes incredibly quickly and easily.
So I need to learn to be ruthless and determined when I begin the task. I must stay strong! This time, I will succeed! I will fight to get out from all of the excess crap in this house. I think it would help my stress level, my anxiety, and depression. Hopefully I can share some post clutter pictures soon!
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