Motivation

I'm a bridesmaid in February and have been feeling a bit ashamed of putting on 35 lbs in a year and a bit. So I joined a Diet Bet. I exercised for one day so far and now I feel spent. I think I overdid it on day one.

Why do we feel this intense pressure to look a certain way? Why is it so hard to love our bodies? Why can't I keep up my motivation?

Perfect?

I feel like I've written about this before, but I need to do it again to remind myself.

No one is perfect. Especially not me. But I am trying to be better. I need to know as I binge eat mini chocolate bars sometimes, that we won't always eat the best. I need to know as I lay down on the couch just having woken up, that sometimes, we need lazy tired days. I need to know that I can't always hold my tongue and keep my temper in check. I am trying, but I cannot accomplish these things. And I need to be okay with that. The pressure placed on parents to be perfect these days is immense and overwhelming. We can't be perfect. And attempting perfection is the short way to anxiety street! At least for me.

I find myself stressed and anxious when I feel like I can't live up to the ideal. Our house isn't very clean, Z watches too much tv, we eat junk food, and we eat out more than we should. We leave dishes in the sink for days and there is always a mess on the couch. The counters are covered in detritus that seems to be forever unsortable.

Despite all of this, we have made great strides in keeping the house relatively in order. Now I just need to learn to forgive myself for never being able to attain perfection. My house will never be all the way clean. I will never spend the whole day doing pinterest crafts with my toddler. I will always make meals that are half healthy and half easy. But hopefully, I can learn to be okay with that.

Where are the movers?

So, our movers are still not here. We moved here in the beginning of July, we gave them our new address by mid July and here we sit, into September and still no possessions. Granted, I should be grateful for what we have, but I miss our stuff. I miss our dishes. We had to buy a pot and a pan, dishes, cups, a table and chairs to eat on. We had to buy a couch for the living room (though that isn't on the movers.) But we've had to buy stuff. To replace the day to day stuff. Measuring cups, cutting boards, silverware, blankets and pillows, baking dishes, and mugs. I know that there are people worse off than we are. And I get how lucky we are to have the money to replace all of this stuff. But, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting to be constantly waiting for our stuff. At long last, on Tuesday the company told us that our stuff is in the next state and would be coming in the next couple of days. We still haven't heard from them. I'm just so sad and worried. Most of the stuff is replaceable (Although I would hate to have to do that.) But the cedar chest that has been in my family for 3 generations now and all of the mementos from my late mother... those I can't replace.

Quite honestly, my anxiety has been skyrocketing lately mostly due to the movers. I just want my stuff. But when I call, they act like I am being ridiculous. I'm just tired of the lying and the delays. I just want my stuff. If they've lost my stuff, I want to know it so that I can take the appropriate actions. But mostly, I just want a simple phone call to let me know what is going on. I want someone to care that we've been living in this house for almost 2 full months with only the stuff that we brought with us and the necessities that we've replaced.

This move has been our worst. If I didn't love it here so much, I may have moved back already.

Potty training is like a day job?

I am truly baffled by kids sometimes. In the past few days of serious potty training, I've noticed that most accidents seem to happen at the end of the day. Z will stand somewhere and pee rather than go to the potty starting somewhere around 5:30 pm. Do they clock out at 5 pm? Today, she was literally just steps from the downstairs bath when she stood in the front hall and peed on the floor. And when I asked her why she did it instead of using the potty, she said that she likes to clean messes by herself. And this is coming from the child who will tell me that cleaning is too hard after picking up a tiny amount of her building toys. Can't I just clean them up?

Potty training is frustrating, but the is the most progress that we've made since she was trained last summer. I guess as long as she lasts all the way through preschool without an 'accident' we should be good, right?

Learning to cook...

I'll admit that cooking has always intimidated me. Mostly because of the amount of times that I've burned things like a pot while boiling water and the amount of times that I've had food poisoning. But lately, I've been becoming more "domesticated." By that, I just mean actually doing things such as mopping the floor every couple of days and keeping things relatively tidy. But I've also been getting in to cooking.

It began when my mother in law was staying with us after the move. She cooked for us and I was determined to learn from her. I learned how to make stuffed pork chops, mashed potatoes from real potatoes, and a few other things. Then I traveled to New Jersey to visit with my family for a week and learned to make spaghetti sauce from scratch in the slow cooker.

Since I've been home, I've been experimenting with making roasted red potatoes, roasted brussel sprouts, french fries(!), and burgers on my own! It's baby steps, but I'm kind of proud because it's out of my comfort zone. As soon as my dishes arrive (A whole other drama ridden story for another day) I plan to pay for some meal planning and start expanding my repertoire!

I think this move has been good for me!

Potty training

Today, we are starting (for the third time) potty training! Z is really interested in going to preschool and a lot of the programs don't allow non potty trained kids to register. So far, pretty good. And by that, I mean that she took the initiative and told me that she had to pee in the potty. Then instead of her pull up, she insisted on underwear. So I broke out her Frozen underwear and we're going to try. I have the timer set and in 30 minutes, we'll try the potty. It's going to be a long day, but I'm feeling positive! *fingers crossed* that it sticks this time! 

Parenting is hard, yo! 

Ice Caves in August!

So last weekend, we attempted to go to a local lake. What I didn't realize, was the lake had an elevation of more than six thousand feet, the road was only paved for a very short time, and there were sharp drop offs on the sides as we were going up. It started out well enough but eventually, I hit full on panic attack mode. I was a little embarrassed to be sobbing in the back seat in front of my 3 year old, my husband and my mother in law. But I suppose that if you can't sob in front of family when in a full panic, then you probably need to get new family. So we turned back and had our picnic in a town barely back inside civilization. While this was a failed plan, getting up to that lake is now on my bucket list!

This weekend, we went out to explore once again. This time, an acquaintance recommended the Big Four ice caves that are not too far from here. Once again, we packed a picnic lunch in the cooler and headed off! (This time, I'd done my research. Elevation is only just above two thousand and it's paved roads the entire way.)

This trip was highly successful. I did feel a bit of anxiety before setting off just because of the previous panic attack, but that was assuaged upon our first stop on a turn off when I captured this beautiful view of a creek just along the road.

Then, we continued on and made it to the Big Four picnic area. We headed off along the path which was actually easy, well marked, and peaceful! Z was a little afraid of the wooden bridges at first. Despite being quite sturdy, she was afraid of stepping on the cracks. So after a bit, when we saw a longer bridge coming up, I carried her on my back. (Further proof in my estimation that we need a baby carrier that can handle heavier toddlers.) We got passed the bridge and wound our way up the path stopping on occasion to check out neat path side nature made little wonders. Z had fun climbing into tree caves!

As we got close to the ice caves, Z was so excited that she was dragging me along as fast as she could to reach them. I've rarely seen her so excited! We passed a warning sign carved into a rock, crested a hill, and there they were! They were awesome! The air around them was both cold and hot and the caves themselves were huge! We could have walked into some of them if we had wanted! Eventually, it got a bit chilly for Z and she wanted her jacket and to head down to our picnic. So she and I headed down the path and my husband and mother in law continued more slowly. Z and I unloaded the picnic and set up the cooler and then Daddy and Grandma joined us for our lovely picnic in the shadow of the lovely mountains. It was cool and peaceful. Upon leaving the park and heading home, I felt surprisingly energetic. I was tired, but somehow, still energetic! And happy! I was actually remarkably happy! I can't wait to do this again very soon!

We've moved! (Not web moved... physically moved)

Across the country no less. We have become Pacific North Westerners! I'll admit that it will take some time to acclimate. Not only because there is a 2 hour time difference, but also the 30 degree temperature difference! We left mid to upper 90's and it's sometimes up to 70 at the hottest part of the day here. till, it's gorgeous and I love being able to just throw open the window instead of running the air conditioner almost constantly just to keep the house cool!

It's pretty perfect in fact. Except for the fact that our furniture still isn't here. I suppose it's partly our fault. We didn't have an address to give the movers right away, so our stuff was put into storage. We gave them the address and now, we can't seem to really get in touch with them to find out where our stuff is. Next time, I think we should budget more for the movers. (And insist on the packing part if that is what they tell us will be happening.)

Still, we love it here despite having very little furniture! And our PNW life adventure is only just beginning!